My Momma

Tomorrow.  Tomorrow marks 12 years without my mom on this earth.  She passed away rather peacefully after a long hard fight with cancer.

May is always a little rough on me.  We have Little Bit’s birthday, Mother’s Day, the anniversary of my mom’s death, and my birthday, in that order.  Some years it’s just painful, and some years it just flies by.  This year has me more contemplative.

I guess it started with Mother’s Day.  I had made plans to be out of town for the weekend.  And then Little Bit’s class at church decided to have a Mother’s Day tea.  Which when I declined the invitation, I was told I was being selfish.  Dale and I were going to go together, but then he had to work.  I asked the girls multiple times if it was alright with everyone if I went by myself.  I even invited Princess and Boo to come, but both declined.  Okay, that’s fine.  I didn’t mind going by myself.

It is so hard for me to celebrate Mother’s Day without my mom.  And I know I should let my children celebrate me, but that’s always made me uncomfortable too.  I’m waiting (patiently, I hope), for my girls to have children so I can celebrate THEM as mothers.

But it occurred to me as I was driving home on Mother’s Day how I can celebrate my mother, and not hide from my feelings any more.  I am going to try to focus on other mothers.  The other women who have affected my life in one way or another.  I’m going to celebrate them.

My mom was a beautiful person, inside and out.  I don’t think she ever had enough faith in herself to truly see it.  I wish I could tell her so much and ask her so much.  Questions like “Why did you name your piggy bank Jim Pig?” Her handwriting was gorgeous.  I have never seen anyone with such beautiful writing.

So maybe the selfish part is me focusing on my pain and not sharing with the world the beauty of her life.

So I’m going to start now.

Will you join me in this celebration?  Would you please leave me a comment about either your own mother or someone else who has influenced your life in a positive way?  Let’s celebrate the beautiful women in our lives.




3 thoughts on “My Momma

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss! That’s so hard… My bio-mom was never much of a mom. A lot of abuse and just awful things… BUT I was really blessed, when I was 12, to have a foster mom who really reset my internal perception of what a mom should be. She would be my “mom” (feeling even more real than my bio mom) for the rest of my adolescence (though I didn’t get to live with her for 2 years)and up until I was pretty far into motherhood myself. Not a day goes by that I’m not SO GRATEFUL for her. She died in 2006, very suddenly. I can’t believe this year will be twelve years without her…

    Liked by 1 person

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