May 28. I’ve been counting my blessings for 147 days now. I have a total of 496 blessings so far. And yet, I’m still learning how to be grateful even when it’s hard. Anne talks about this in her book. She calls it a hard eucharisteo, giving thanks for even the difficult times.
You would think that losing my dad would count. You would think that being extremely busy with Faire would count. You would think that all the stresses and ups and downs in my life would be enough, that I would see the blessings in my life through these struggles.
And yet I’ve found another one.
Yeah, it’s a thing. It’s defined at Parents.com like this: “Secondary infertility refers to a couple’s inability to conceive a baby, even though they’ve had at least one child in the past.”
And guess what? I’m walking that journey now. And it is so hard. I know there are reasons, physical reasons, that we haven’t been blessed with a third child, but that doesn’t stop the ache. That doesn’t stop the longing and the hurt that has happened every month for the past 2 years.
So, how do I move past the pain to see the blessings? Because let’s be honest here. I’m probably closer to “Grandma” than “Mommy” again.
It is hard, but I am trying to focus a little more on our present children. I try to savor them a little bit more and little bit closer. I try to be thankful for our current situation. God knows why it’s not time. And I have to trust and believe that everything will work out for His glory.
To that end, here’s my next round of the Joy Dare.
May 25: 3 gifts hard giving thanks for
- Wills (497)
- Sorting through “stuff” (498)
- Lack of time. (499)
May 26: A gift worn, white, whispered
- My wedding band. One of the very few things I’ve ever seen Dale cry about. But in that moment, I knew the gift wasn’t the band itself but the giver. (500)
- My wedding dress was such a labor of love for my mom. (501). The gift of her time was precious. (502) And I still treasure it today.
- It’s probably not exactly a whisper, but I love that first thing in the morning, “good morning, Mommy” and hug that I get from Little Bit. (503)
May 27: 3 gifts found in church – I pretty much covered this one when I talked about Community. My community is my church.
- The singing. Being raised with an a cappella singing background has provided me with a rich appreciation for musical harmonies. (504)
- My closest friends are in my church. (505)
- The leadership. Our current church has been blessed with a wonderful group of elders and deacons. They are a God fearing, scripture reading, constantly praying group of men, and I am so very thankful for them. (506)
May 28: 3 gifts found in today’s work – Maybe I should wait until later today to write this one. My work for the day has just started. In fact, I think I will wait to write this one. I will be watching for the gifts today.
So yes, there are hard eucharisteos that we all have to walk through, but there are also many joys that we each have. An attitude of gratitude helps us, helps me learn how to deal with the hard times, how to walk through sadness. But isn’t that how we learn to see God? Through the good and the bad, He is always with us. He loves us enough to be right beside us. And that’s why I continue. That’s why I walk this path. To see God.
Will you walk with me?