It’s that time again. It’s time to set the timer for 5 minutes at a time, and write. Unedited, no back tracking, all the commenting, all the love from your fellow writers over at Kate’s place. It’s time for Five Minute Friday. Today’s word is Meet.
This week I introduced my children to someone I had hoped would never ever come back. I introduced my children to the screaming mommy. I have tried so hard to make sure that she stays hidden and out of sight. But this week, my children met her, and the hurt that she brings with her.
I don’t like that person. But she is a part of me, and I’m a part of her. And I want you to meet her to know that I’m a real person behind this computer screen. I’ve been there. Maybe you’ve had a bad week, or month (or year?), and that grumpy crabby mommy comes out. The crazy person jumps out and starts screaming bloody murder.
But you know what? You aren’t alone. I’ve been there. Recently. Yesterday.
And God is there with us. I’m not going to let myself off the hook. “You’ve been grieving.” “You’re under stress.” “It’s okay, they are young, they’ll understand.”
No they won’t. Because I didn’t. I don’t. I never have understood why my dad would yell so much. I never understood why he would flip out over some little bitty thing. And I never understood why I ended up doing the exact same thing. I hated myself when I saw the fear and confusion in my daughter’s eyes. I never wanted her to meet that part of me. And yet, it’s there.
(My timer went off at some point, but since it was on silent, I have no idea when. So, I’m going to finish my thoughts.)
What I do want to do is to meet God. I want to walk with Him, and talk with Him, and be with Him. And maybe one day, that crazy scary screaming mommy will change her heart and her ways, and she will walk with God too.
Do not hold against us the sins of past generations;
may your mercy come quickly to meet us,
for we are in desperate need.
Help us, God our Savior,
for the glory of your name;
deliver us and forgive our sins
for your name’s sake.