FMF – Meet

It’s that time again. It’s time to set the timer for 5 minutes at a time, and write.  Unedited, no back tracking, all the commenting, all the love from your fellow writers over at Kate’s place.  It’s time for Five Minute Friday.  Today’s word is Meet.

GO:

This week I introduced my children to someone I had hoped would never ever come back.  I introduced my children to the screaming mommy.  I have tried so hard to make sure that she stays hidden and out of sight.  But this week, my children met her, and the hurt that she brings with her.

I don’t like that person.  But she is a part of me, and I’m a part of her.  And I want you to meet her to know that I’m a real person behind this computer screen.  I’ve been there.  Maybe you’ve had a bad week, or month (or year?), and that grumpy crabby mommy comes out.  The crazy person jumps out and starts screaming bloody murder.

But you know what?  You aren’t alone.  I’ve been there.  Recently.  Yesterday.

And God is there with us.  I’m not going to let myself off the hook.  “You’ve been grieving.”  “You’re under stress.”  “It’s okay, they are young, they’ll understand.”

No they won’t.  Because I didn’t.  I don’t.  I never have understood why my dad would yell so much.  I never understood why he would flip out over some little bitty thing.  And I never understood why I ended up doing the exact same thing.  I hated myself when I saw the fear and confusion in my daughter’s eyes.  I never wanted her to meet that part of me.  And yet, it’s there.

(My timer went off at some point, but since it was on silent, I have no idea when.  So, I’m going to finish my thoughts.)

What I do want to do is to meet God. I want to walk with Him, and talk with Him, and be with Him.  And maybe one day, that crazy scary screaming mommy will change her heart and her ways, and she will walk with God too.

STOP

Psalm 79:8-9

Do not hold against us the sins of past generations;
    may your mercy come quickly to meet us,
    for we are in desperate need.
Help us, God our Savior,
    for the glory of your name;
deliver us and forgive our sins
    for your name’s sake.

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15 thoughts on “FMF – Meet

  1. You are brave in your honesty, Melinda.

    Remember grace. It’s not a licence to continue on as we are, but it is a beautiful washing away of the junk. There is no condemnation, dear one. Jesus holds your face in His hands and speaks love to Your soul.

    We’ve all been there. You’re not alone. Tomorrow will be different. 🙂

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  2. God gives us do-overs, and I’ve learned to ask for do-overs from my children when I misbehave. They have always graciously given me permission to ‘do the scene over again’ and we are always much happier with the results. May God continue to draw near to you as you struggle with the part of you you would rather never let out of the bag.

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    • You know, I didn’t think about an actual do-over, but I did ask for forgiveness. That was something my dad never did. So maybe, I’m on the right track?

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  3. Oh friend this post spoke to me tonight!! I had a night where I had to raise my voice/yell at my Confirmation class. I too hate when that side of me emerges!

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  4. Thanks for your transparency here, Melinda .. Yep, been there, done that! May the Lord continue to mold us into His likeness, and continue to pour His sufficient grace in the process. 🙂

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    • Thank you Kate. I’ve never tried to hide who I am from the internet. The person you meet here is the person I will be at the retreat in August. And yes, God is continually molding me.

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  5. I’m laughing but only laughing with heartfelt understanding. You see, even my GRANDchildren have met screaming mommy (grandmommy) Occasionally the best us gets a reminder that best only comes because of Christ and through Him. We just wipe our tears and throw our hearts back to heaven and say Thank You Lord, that though my imperfect self shows up on occasion, You say I am perfected in You! Visiting from FMF.

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  6. Remember, God loves U-turns and second chances. In my case, second, third, fourth, and so on, chances! Don’t be too hard on yourself because God is standing at your side with grace arms opened wide.

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  7. Oh, Melinda – I hear you. We all have an inner “screaming-mommy.” I also have a “grumpy-mommy” and a “exhausted-mommy” that show up with their own baggage. 🙂 I’ve found those moments that I slip are the ones that are teachable for me and my son – because I have to humble myself and ask God to forgive me and then I have to ask my sons forgiveness too. While I try not to scream, he needs to know mommy isn’t perfect and there is grace in mistakes for both of us. Blessed by your honesty, FMF friend. PS. That candy bar you flashed last night is a dandy fix for any mommy need, right?! 😉

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    • Oh, it was indeed delicious. 🙂 Thank you. I hope that I was able to teach my children that even when you get angry and make mistakes, you can still ask forgiveness. I hope they end up seeing past this moment.

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