The Raging Battle Within

This is a post I’ve needed to write for a very long time.  Let’s talk about depression.

There.  I’ve said it.  That ugly awful word that no one wants to ever talk about, or ever admit to having to battle with.

I have depression.  And at times, it is a raging battle.

Let’s be honest.  I’m not talking about run of the mill sadness.  I’m not talking about the “blues.”  I’m talking about a down and out, the world would be better without me, I can’t handle this anymore, depression.  (And before anyone says anything, yes, I am receiving help, and I do have safety measures in place, and I know I won’t hurt myself, because I’m too much of a chicken.)

It’s a scary place to be.  It’s an almost physical pain, an ache in your heart that you can never seem to fill.

And I’ve tried.  Usually with food, although there have been other things.  There’s a very good reason Tylenol 3 is not allowed in my house.

What I’m learning is that God wants to fill that ache.  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28  That he wants to walk this journey with me, if only I will give it up to him.

Do I have all the answers?  By no means.  Will I overcome and win this battle tonight?  Honestly, I wish I could.  I’ve been fighting this battle a really long time.  I will think I have won, and a year, 10 years later, I will be fighting it again.

But I’m learning to fill the ache with scripture and prayer.  (The Made to Crave Bible study is instrumental in this.)  I’m learning to depend on God in the hard times as well as the good times.  I don’t want God to take away all my feelings or even all of my sadness.  He gave me feelings.  He gave me emotions.  I simply need help in learning how to balance all of the emotions he gave me in a healthy way.

That brownie, however delicious it may taste, however rich it may smell, is nothing compared to God’s word.

  • Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good
  • Psalm 19:10 they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb.
  • Psalm 119:103 How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!

I realize that might not help you if you are in the middle of your own battle.  But I want you to know you are not alone.  I will stand and fight with you.  If you are fighting and you would like an additional prayer warrior, I would be beyond honored to pray for you.  Leave me a comment and I will pray for you and with you.  Together, we can stand on the word of God and overcome this raging battle with depression.

Hugs and prayers,

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Ephesians 6:10-20  NIV