I miss my momma

I know it will take time, but I really miss my mama. I’ve wanted to pick up the phone and call her so many times this week. Which is CRAZY, because I was there when she died, and I was there when they closed the casket, and I was there when they buried her. Well, not her, but her body. And I know, I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is in Heaven and that she doesn’t hurt any more. So why do I still want to call her?

And on top of it all, I still have to deal with the here and now. The past month was so surreal, like it wasn’t happening to me, that it was a dream or a movie of someone else’s life. But now, I’m home and I have to deal with my life here, and I really don’t want to. I want to be asleep.

Oi. I guess I’m just rambling, and venting. I know it will take time. I just like control and I’m not in control right now. I guess I’ve never been in control. God has the ultimate control, always has and always will. It comes back to trust and faith again. Maybe one day I’ll learn.

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2 thoughts on “I miss my momma

  1. Melinda,OH, I remember the feeling all to well. Even today, 14 yrs later, I sometimes wish mom was here to talk to…but she IS here to talk to so I do! Let yourself grieve in the way that is best for YOU. Death of a mom is painful. Remember my hugs ok?HUGSLaurie

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  2. Absolutely not crazy. I did not call my mother very often, but after her death, I thought of her every single day…how she would enjoy this or what she would say about that. Now that you’re back in your regular life where you DID call your momma, it’s understandable. I hope you can catch up on some rest. Try to be as good to yourself as your momma would be to you.

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